Wednesday, 16 January 2008

• Silly People

  One of this year's resolutions is to read more.  I've come into the sad habit of starting book after book, but never finishing any of them.  Thus far, I've done better than expected, having read at least two books and currently finding myself halfway through The Awakening by Kate Chopin.  One of the fun books I've indulged in, 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said, edited by Steven Price, left me chuckling (and breathing a sigh that other folks can say even more idiotic things than me).  Some of my favorites:

  "Thanks for the poncho." - Bill Clinton, when presented with the Romanian tricolor flag during a visit to that country

  "My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever.  We begin bombing in five minutes." - Ronald Reagan, unaware a radio microphone was on

  "I am a jelly doughnut." - English translation of John F. Kennedy's "Ich bin ein berliner" line at the Berlin Wall

  "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of the board, IBM, 1943

  "A cookie store is a bad idea.  Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." - unidentified response to Debbi Field's plan to start Mrs. Fields Cookies

  "If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel, television personality

  "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry.  I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey, singer

  Newspaper Headlines

  Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

  Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday

  Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency

  Illiterate? Write Today for Free Help

  Never Withhold Herpes from Loved One

  Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

  Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

  Newspaper Classified Ads

  Free puppies...part German shepherd/part dog

  Free: 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 Br 2Bth Home

  Found: dirty white dog...looks like a rat...been out awhile...better be reward

  American flag - 60 stars - pole included - $100

  Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.

  ___________________________________________

  Attorney: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

  Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

  Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

  Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30pm.

  Attorney: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

  Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

  Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

  Witness: No.

  Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?

  Witness: No.

  Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

  Witness: No.

  Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

  Witness: No.

  Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

  Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

  Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

  Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

  ____________________________________

  Enjoy your day, and be smart about it! .....A couple of random, cute, and strange pictures I came across that made me smile; maybe you, too.

   Africa, I assume  Sherwin and Brad

  Scottish tribute

    An engagement pic

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